Tuesday, June 17, 2008

melodicas, daisy tea, 30 meter telescopes

sorry about the bitterness of the last post...
searching for an apartment was truly disheartening
one 'night' (it is never really dark) i was sitting in the tent pondering over the sad realization that i probably would be thoroughly satisfied with living out of a tent if it weren't for this anxious need to secure more comfortable accommodations
oh well
the trial is over
freedom is at last at hand
oh joyous muse, with thy glittering kindness thou hast showered over this humble wayfarer a thousand blessings within one
no more the roots do they hinder mine nightly slumber
no more the welts brought forth by mosquitoes do they irritate mine hide
no more the belongings which delight me must they remain enshrined in parcels unopened
no more the endless droves of sandwiches will they mingle in mine unsatisfied paunch

hiuyan arrived last tuesday!!!!!!
and what's more, it was half an hour before i went to the airport that i received a call from a leaser with an offer for an apartment - one that was just what i wanted
the entire atmosphere for over 2 weeks evaporated within an hour
my girl was finally here
and the search was finally over
we stayed 2 nights in the tent (that was enough for ginny, i guess) and moved in last thursday
it worked out great cuz we got our stuff set up and made the necessary trips to the store for food and supplies (hiuyan had the inspiration of taking a suitcase to fred meyer since we had to walk ~2 miles) by the weekend
i'll post some pics of the place soon

on another note...
what i really wanted to post was about the incredible experience i had last night
hiuyan and i were sitting on the floor of our main room (we have no furniture other than an inflatable mattress) under the light of the sunset shining in through the window
we were drinking daisy tea (it's incredible. really.) and just lounging about
hiuyan mentioned that she brought along a melodica from hong kong (that's one of those piano/harmonicas which you play by blowing into a tube)
this naturally got me very excited and in no time i whipped out my guitar
i felt suddenly inspired to play together
i know hiuyan plays piano so beautifully and that it has meant a lot to her throughout her life
what a perfect way to enjoy this quiet evening!
so i started to play and tried to encourage her to join me
i was just playing some simple chords over and over again
she was apprehensive because she had never played like this, with someone else, before
i began to realize how personal her music was to her
and as i kept playing i described to her how it felt to me to play like this
the music in your heart really flows into your head and out through your fingers and lips
you dig deep within yourself
and it doesnt matter what you play or how many mistakes you make
she couldn't do it, not even play one note
that was okay, i thought
i'll just keep playing until she joins me
and show her how comfortable i am exploring my feelings like this in front of her
for those of you who know it, playing music for yourself is such a personal and beautiful thing
so many times i have been far away somewhere, sometimes literally and almost always emotionally, and there is no one to comfort me, no one who can make me feel alright, except me
and discovering that through music is simply amazing
as i played, my memories touched upon these times
and my perspective shifted from attempting to draw for hiuyan my place - where my music and emotions formed the earth and sky - to becoming lost in that place myself
it surprised me, as i heard myself describe my experiences with music such as this and heard myself play, how quickly the melody from my soul came pouring out of me and wrapped itself around me
i dissolved into the notes, into the daisy tea, into the candle smoke, into the sunset, and left the world behind till i was nearly moved to tears
as my fingers grew tired and sore, the music faded from the room
but my heart was so full of music, i didn't hear the silence
i had to go outside to be alone for a while
there was so much i had forgotten about me
about how i've always been there for me
and how much i love myself
and how much i need to cherish myself and remind myself of me
it was truly glorious
my emotions made me speechless for a long time
until i drew my girl in close and held her with more presence of myself than i am usually aware of
hiuyan had told me about how she loved the idea of the new 30 meter reflecting lens telescope that is being built on mauna kea, hawaii because once it is finished, we will be able to see not only things that are far away, but things that are actually really close, but too dim to see with what we can look through now
this struck me, too, as such a fascinating and beautiful metaphor...
to be able to see those objects that have been right there, so close, all along...
to me, being with hiuyan tonight was my 30m telescope
seeing things that were right there in me all along...
i had forgotten them; forgotten even how much i needed to search for them

rosy fingered dawn was beginning to glow around us
and my heart would not stop soaring into the limitless sky of my being

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